When I was a college student, I had a weird relationship with the concept of “home.” As I approached the end of a semester, I longed to go back home to my parents’ house for break. I looked forward to the familiarity, the family, and the rest. After some time at my parents’ house, though, that longing for home would return.
My sense of home had shifted from my parents’ house to my college dorm or apartment. I now longed for the freedom, the friends, and the sense of purpose my classes and clubs brought. So I’d go back. And the cycle would repeat.
What an odd experience. A continual process of looking forward to a home that, on my arrival, didn’t live up to my expectations and gave way to a desire to return to a different home.
I hope this doesn’t sound melodramatic. I loved my time in college and I loved visiting family over breaks. I treasure memories of both. But neither fully satisfied the desire that’d creep into my heart. Home was a distinct desire but had ceased to be a distinct location.
Home was a distinct desire but had ceased to be a distinct location.
As I’ve talked with students over the years, I’ve realized my experience isn’t unique. For many, going home over breaks can be challenging. If you’re a student about to head back home for the summer, here are four ways to help you face the difficulties.
1. Moderate your expectations.
Summer break is just around the corner. You’re tired; you’re stressed; exams are looming—so it’s easy to imagine break as a carefree paradise. A place where all wrongs will be made right and life will finally be peaceful again.
I’m exaggerating, but you get the idea. Here’s the problem: your summer break will probably not live up to your stress-fueled expectations. Sure, there’ll be great moments. But there’ll also be frustrations, loneliness, and boredom.
If you’re a freshman, you’ll likely discover you and your parents must both learn to adjust to new patterns and expectations of each other now you’re used to managing your own schedule at college. This process is rarely without friction. (Maybe you’re the exception, and summer break ends up being everything you’re dreaming it’ll be. But this just means your disappointment will come at the end when you have to leave.)
I sometimes joke that the secret to happiness is low expectations. That’s overstated, but what if the secret to enjoying summer break is reasonable expectations? Acknowledge you may be expecting more from a few months at your parents’ house than it can provide. This will free you to enjoy the great parts without being crushed by the hard parts.
2. Watch out for old behavior patterns.
I’m 37 and I have three children. Even so, when I walk into my childhood home, part of me reverts to my 15-year-old self. I’ll feel tempted to be argumentative with my mom or to leave dishes on the counter after a meal. Maybe I’ll feel an urge to lay on the couch and watch TV all afternoon.
You may be expecting more from a couple months at your parents’ house than it can provide.
You may not be my age, but you’ve grown and changed a lot since you went to college. This is true even if you’re a freshman. There’s something about the independence of college that causes you to mature quickly (if unevenly)—especially if you’ve been involved in a college ministry that has helped you grow in your faith.
Maybe you’ve experienced victory over unhealthy habits or sin patterns during the last year. Maybe you’ve stopped looking at porn, or started going to the gym, or started having quiet times. Returning to a previous place can spark a kind of remission. Old environments resurrect old habits.
How can you combat this tendency? A solid game plan and lots of prayer help. But my next tip is perhaps the most important way to guard against old behavior patterns.
3. Stay connected.
I often talk to students who are surprised it was difficult to walk with Jesus and resist sin patterns while they were away. When someone is taken away from his or her Christian community, remaining faithful gets a lot harder. The New Testament tells us to expect this. It’s why the author of Hebrews admonishes us not to neglect meeting together (Heb. 10:25). It’s why Paul compares the church to a human body that “builds itself up in love” (Eph. 4:16).
The Christian life is a community life. We were never designed to do it on our own. At college, you’ve been building a vibrant community around you, hopefully in the context of a healthy church. This has probably fast-forwarded your spiritual growth. Don’t be surprised when stepping away for a month or two causes you to take a step backward.
The Christian life is a community life. We were never designed to do it on our own.
To be clear, there’s no excuse to sin. You’re still responsible for your actions before God. But don’t enter the fight on your own. Bring your college community with you.
Plan to have regular Zoom calls with housemates or with Bible study or church friends for mutual encouragement and accountability. If some of your college friends live close enough, see them over break. At the very least, set up a group chat to share struggles and joys.
Most importantly, connect to a church in your hometown. If you grew up in the church, this is an opportunity to reconnect with the people who encouraged you as you grew up—and have been praying for you while you were gone. If you didn’t grow up in church, make it a mission to find a solid local church to invest in while you’re home. Don’t fall into the trap of believing a summer isn’t long enough to benefit from (and be a benefit to) a church home.
4. Remember your ultimate home.
In Hebrews 11, as the author recalls Old Testament saints who spent their lives following God, he singles out Abraham and Sarah. Their following wasn’t merely spiritual but rather a literal constant change of location:
For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city. (vv. 14–16)
Did you catch it? Abraham and Sarah spent their lives longing for home. But strangely, returning to the place where they grew up wouldn’t have fulfilled that longing. This sounds like my college experience of never feeling fully at home—whether I was at my parents’ house or at school.
Why? Because our desire for a home was never supposed to be fully satisfied here. What is home other than the place where we truly belong, are truly loved, and can truly rest? If we think we can find that in a physical location, we’ll always be disappointed. For Abraham and Sarah and for all followers of Jesus Christ, our ultimate home is with him, the only One who offers true belonging, love, and rest.
When you get home for break, it may not meet your expectations. If so, you’re in good company with the cloud of witnesses in Hebrews 11. May the longing remind you to look to Jesus, your true home.
