God Loved Me by Giving Me a Broken Family

There I was again. On the porch, avoiding my family. Weeping.

I was overwhelmed by our problems.

Amid my tears, I pleaded that the Lord would remove all my family’s issues and bring peace to our brokenness.

He didn’t answer.

That scene was all too common for me in my teens. I grew up in a dysfunctional family with alcoholic parents. It was a battle every day to keep up with school, hold a job, guard my siblings, grow in my relationship with Jesus—and love my family.

It wasn’t always like that. When I was younger, my parents prioritized bringing our family to church. They cared about my relationship with Jesus. And when I put my faith in Jesus, they rejoiced and led me to baptism. My parents were my heroes.

I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if sin hadn’t so viciously damaged my family. Would I still look up to my parents? Would my relationship with them be different? Would my memories of them not be tainted?

I don’t know what that life would have been like because that’s not what I’ve received. The Lord loved me by giving me a broken family.

There are broken families all over the world, and I’m merely one voice out of millions who have cried out to God for stability and peace. But I believe it was out of love that the Lord didn’t answer my petitions. Here’s why.

I Learned to Love God’s Sanctifying Grace

Grace wasn’t foreign to me. After all, I understood it was by grace that I was saved through faith (Eph. 2:8–9; Rom. 5:21). However, my view of grace was narrow and incomplete. Over time, I learned that grace isn’t merely salvific; it’s sanctifying. God’s grace isn’t just transactional; it’s ongoing, working to sanctify me so I boast more in him.

There are broken families all over the world, and I’m merely one voice out of millions who’s cried out to God for stability and peace.

The apostle Paul also knew this type of grace. In 2 Corinthians 12:7–8, he speaks of the thorn in the flesh that hindered him. The thorn was so detrimental that he prayed three times for its removal. But instead of removing it, the Lord told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness” (v. 9). Paul learned that God’s grace was sanctifying—it was sufficient to reveal how God’s power was being exalted through Paul’s weakness.

God’s grace is sufficient for me too. His grace sanctifies me so I may be more like Paul and “boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (v. 9). I learned to love God’s sanctifying grace.

I Learned to Love the Church

My family became habitual church-hoppers for several years. Because of this, I grew calloused to attending church. Even though I was a regenerate believer, I struggled to drink spiritual milk (1 Pet. 2:2–3). So when we arrived at another church, I was cynical.

I quickly learned I was wrong. On my arrival, faithful members were eager to get to know me, host me for family time, and disciple me. The student pastor instructed me in sound doctrine and taught me about the joy of walking with Jesus. The Lord provided authentic friendships that spurred me to love Jesus more. Now, largely because of what God did in my life through the local church, I’m attending seminary in order to love the local church for a lifetime in vocational ministry.

By not giving me a stable family, the Lord taught me to treasure my adopted brothers and sisters in Christ (Rom. 8:14–17; Eph. 1:5–6). He taught me about my family purchased by Christ’s blood (1 Pet. 1:19). I learned to love the local church.

I Learned to Love My Family

Loving my family has been far from easy. There were times when I would’ve struggled even to say I loved them. I’ve fought with them, slandered them, and seen my pride and selfishness hurt them. My family has experienced my sin just as much as I have theirs. Yet my sin—and my family’s—pales in comparison to the unfathomable love of Jesus, my Lord (Rom. 8:35–39).

By not giving me a stable family, the Lord taught me to treasure my adopted brothers and sisters in Christ.

It’s through Jesus’s power that love is on clear display. In him, love is neither conditional nor self-seeking as love in the modern era often is. Instead, in Christ, love is unconditional and sacrificial. Love is in its highest form when it conforms to the nature of Christ, who himself is love (1 John 4:8, 16). And Jesus’s greatest display of love was his atoning death on the cross, where he laid down his life (John 15:13).

Through this love, I learned to love my family. Christ’s love obligated me to replicate his sacrificial and unconditional love toward my family (13:34–35). I don’t replicate it perfectly, because of my indwelling sin, but I trust that Christ makes me new every day, teaching me about the depths of his love and how to better image him in the world. I learned to love my family.

God doesn’t simply give us whatever we ask. Instead, we pray his will would be accomplished, thus aligning our wills with his (Matt. 6:10). I’ve continued to ask that God’s will would be done—with me, with my family, with the world. And I’ll continue to pray for his will because I’ve seen how it’s far grander than I could ever fathom. God loved me by not giving me a stable family, and he’s done that for his glory and my good.

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