Benefits of Being a Good Neighbor

In his book The Rise of Christianity, Rodney Stark points to the clear contrast between Christian selflessness and pagan self-interest during the Plague of Cyprian in the third century. Whereas pagans retreated to their country villas to escape the plague, Christians stayed behind in the cities to provide medical care, community support, and God-centered conversation for sufferers. Pagans ran away from their neighbors. Christians moved near.

Stark argues this singular disposition is the likeliest explanation for why a relatively minor religious group grew to become the Roman Empire’s dominant worldview.

I’d argue our world still needs neighbors. If believers will commit to move near as they did in Cyprian’s day, if we’ll foster the same kind of caring relationships in our contemporary contexts, whole communities can be shaped for God’s glory and people’s good.

We Have a Neighbor Problem

For much of the latter half of the 20th century, plagues were commonly thought of as a thing of the past, something scientific discovery had all but rendered obsolete. But the COVID-19 pandemic highlighted both contemporary epidemic realities and the need for responsive community solutions.

Consider, for example, the emerging epidemic of loneliness and anxiety affecting American life. Last year, the surgeon general’s office reported half of adults experience detrimental social isolation with negative effects equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. This report corroborates a recent Rutgers University study, that concluded minimal neighborly interaction leads to lower individual well-being.

Americans are becoming dangerously isolated, and it’s evidenced by a real-time collapse of neighborhood life. In his book Fragile Neighborhoods, Seth Kaplan shows how communities previously marked by stability, safety, and belonging are increasingly marked by crime, school violence, family disintegration, and drug addiction. While Kaplan and others can’t pinpoint a cause, the correlation of neighborhood decline with an uptick in mental health issues is alarming.

Gate codes, security guards, HOA fees, and other community policies can’t insulate our neighborhoods against loneliness and its ill effects. What neighborhoods need, Kaplan suggests, is good neighbors—the kind who greet us, know our names, and invite us over for meals. This sounds like a job for Christians.

Neighborliness in Luke’s Gospel

In Luke 10:25–37, a lawyer asks Jesus what he must do to live the good life. Jesus answers by inviting the man to love God and love his neighbor. The lawyer then asks, “Who is my neighbor?”

What neighborhoods need is good neighbors—the kind who greet us, know our names, and invite us over for meals.

In response, Jesus tells the story of the Good Samaritan: A priest and a Levite encounter a wounded man but quickly pass by him. By contrast, the Samaritan sees the wounded man but moves in closer to care for him. Jesus turns to the lawyer and asks him to pick the true neighbor out of that lineup. The lawyer knew that a neighbor (plēsion) is a “near one,” but he was operating by faulty logic: When I know who my neighbors are, I’ll be able to love them.

This logic led the lawyer to delineate between the “near people” he’s obligated to love and the “far ones” he owes no such obligation. Jesus’s teaching forces him to reconsider: nearness isn’t a matter of circumstance but a matter of the heart’s disposition. A neighbor isn’t simply someone who is near. A neighbor is someone who moves near to provide care and compassion.

Moving Near, Practically Speaking

Social scientists have coined the term “propinquity” to measure the strength of bonds formed in interpersonal relationships. The term comes from the Latin word propinquitas, which means “nearness.” People tend to form higher-propinquity relationships through frequency of interaction and form lower-propinquity relationships through infrequent interaction.

In other words, nearness is somewhat contingent on frequency of interaction. It isn’t enough that you’re near people in proximity. What improves our relationships is that we move near people with frequency.

A neighbor isn’t simply someone who is near. A neighbor is someone who moves near to provide care and compassion.

Propinquity reminds us that if our desire is to love our neighbors, we must move near them with both intention and frequency.

Intentional practices might include writing our neighbors’ names down on a sheet of paper and praying for them in a systematic and regular way. It might include a commitment to greet them any time we see them in common spaces. We may also carve out time in our busy schedules to bring our family and a side dish to a neighborhood block party.

But loving our neighbors will require frequency as well. We’ll need to be patient and present with our neighbors every time they show us updated photos of their grandkids. We may need to frequently meet up at the dog park in the hopes our superficial evening chats turn to something more serious. Or persist in inviting people over to share a meal, providing our less open neighbors time to build trust with us.

Benefits of Neighboring

The idea of being neighborly may seem overwhelming or unrealistic. You may ask, “Is it worth the effort to integrate these practices into my already busy life?” The answer is yes, for at least two reasons.

1. Neighboring protects us from isolation.

Moving near to your neighbors doesn’t just benefit them. It also opens new avenues for community for you. The neighbor you befriend today may sit next to you at church tomorrow. She may hear the gospel and start to follow Jesus. He may become your emergency contact. They might bring a meal over when you’re bereaved. In Ecclesiastes 4:9–10, the Preacher reminds us two are better than one, because a friend can help you should you fall down.

2. Neighboring leads us to the satisfaction found only in Jesus.

Often, I hear church members and students complain about extending care to the near people in their lives. “I just don’t know if I have it in me to start loving this person.” Here’s the truth: It requires enormous interpersonal strength to love another human being at any level. Often, we don’t have it.

But in John 4:14, Jesus describes himself as a wellspring of life: “Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.” Jesus never falls victim to the law of diminishing marginal utility. The good news for Christians is that no matter how depleted our neighborliness stores are, Jesus remains a never-ending fountain of love. When we depend on him, he lavishly pours into and through us in a way we can’t possibly bottle up. Because Jesus loves us in this way, we can share his love with others without fear of burning out.

This is what the Great Commission is all about. God so loved the word that he came near us. Now, we can go near those around us to care for them.

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